Psalm360: My Life is a Poem, a Psalm, a Song

psalm

I was reminiscing this the other day, the ever important question of gift, talent or unpardonable passion. Clear as day it occurred to me that I have always relished in writing.  As long as I can remember it has always been my point of refuge and solace – the very best company I ever had through my introverted days – even through teenage that kept me out of trouble.  It’s a strange thing to say,  as it may sound as if I knew this always too clearly.  I however remember that when once asked what was the one thing I cared about the most that meant the world to me – the answer was clear – my thoughts, ideas and writings!  Mind you, land and property were on the table among the treasures making their bet,  but quite honestly I didn’t give a hoot!  So much for a 21 year old to say!
And then the days of adventure came and a long time I did everything but write.  You bet however I kept my notebook and often jotted a few thoughts. But my creative sense was gone and my sense of fiction I must have outgrown, or so I thought.  The years went by in the wilderness and I barely read except for a few motivational stuff which would be considered light reading especially if you had chewed on the like of Shakespeare,  Thomas Hardy,  Wuthering Heights and Jane Austens pieces.  I knew that officially it was over, and for a moment I had overgrown creativity.  For a moment I  didn’t seem bothered,  but yet deep inside I was deeply troubled.
How could this be, yet this was the one thing that ticked for me and made the lights go on inside of me? It was as if I had a secret world that was unlocked by the magic wand of a pen…!
But then did it really matter? …And I would think what else really mattered to me and what did I really care about?
And it occurred to me.  Not much!
I didn’t give a hoot about sport; who cared that everybody else got so excited seeing some boys chase up a ball kicking it back and forth around a pitch! Didn’t give a damn about TV; what good did one get glaring at a screen to see other people live their lives….(Talk of Keeping up with the Kardashians. …. SMH!). And so was I least bothered about various other causes and things – in some way however music appealed to me. Certain type and mostly the tune or lyrics. But mostly it was the words! No wonder easily I fell in love with the book of Psalm when I became a devout Christian.  And I suppose this is where my story changed. O Lord overnight I turned into a politician! You never saw me take to the crowds so passionate about a cause, I just now wanted to change the world! So much zeal and passion! I had never felt so alive and confident in my life!  And since then it always was about people.  Praying for people,  Serving people; giving,  teamwork,  leadership…. it was all different,  all exciting. ….
But there was this missing piece, always lurking in the background.  Yes , I loved people and all I was doing and all. But there was one thing I knew was given to me that must have been handed down from the heavens.
In my new world I wrote bits and pieces here and there – I always say poetry saved my life. In my lean moments when I couldn’t write –  poetry did it for me.  In the years that followed I never read much; poetry did it for me.
Until my whole world came crumbling down in 2009 – with the loss of my mother!
And all was bleak.  Dark.  Empty.
I probably didn’t know this at first.  Until when I couldn’t write.  And my world fell apart.  Deep within I was dead. A zombie.
Of course for mere mortals, not in a thousand days could they ever tell what was going on! The sun  was still shining and life was on. After several days I could afford a smile.  But deep within I was a dying man.  The only thing I knew I could do,  the only thing that allowed me to say my deepest prayers and mourn was gone! Now for the first time had gone away from me.  I had lost it, alongside the one I dearly loved. God bless her soul.  She was a woman who loved God.  I had lost it, even poetry I couldn’t write no more – every thing was bland and empty.
But as you’ve heard God works in mysterious ways – his manifold ways to manifest.
And even in my lostness – he hid a strand of poetry in song for my soul.
And even though for months I couldn’t write yet the lyrics and flow of song carried me on.  It was the Psalms that held it together for me – strings of poetry in the scriptures perhaps my only food.

It’s when I concluded and this I know for sure,  I’m a poet,  I’m a writer and above all a Psalm of Praise to the King of Kings;  the author of creativity and all beautiful things to be enjoyed. To Him be the Glory now and always.

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The story behind the Psalm360 project. To be continued…..

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