When she met him she immediately fell in love with him. He was so handsome, strong and charming. He had a loving, piercing glance that made her feel the most beautiful woman in the world. Something about him attracted her like a magnet. She had never felt that way. At that moment she was sure they were meant to be together. After many relationships with men who weren’t emotionally available, finally she got what she wanted: a man who loved her, just like she loved him. A man who made her feel good about herself, a man who listened to her and understood her. He seemed to know about life, about women, about how to care. During the first years of their relationship they spend a lot of time together. She was experiencing a dream…that she never thought it would soon become a nightmare.
One day he decided to leave his job to give his life another direction. Things didn’t unfold like he thought and the pressure he began to experience was strong enough to free what he had repressed his whole life: anger. His anger manifested itself in aggression. For she was the only one so close to him, she became his perfect, easy target. He began to attack her psycho-emotionally and verbally. She couldn’t believe that the man she loved and admired, the man who loved her so much, could use violence against her. Those that were episodes in the beginning, became in time a fast routine. She was constantly under his power. She had no way to escape. She was pushed to a corner and forced to be verbally tortured. She cried and screamed, begging him to not to hurt her anymore.
She loved him, how could he be so cruel? She spent years under those terrible circumstances, hoping that he could change. In the beginning she forgave him because she believed one day he was going to open his eyes and see what this was doing to her. Unfortunately this didn’t happen. He kept abusing her psychologically and verbally over and over again. She started to get physically sick. She was losing her dignity and didn’t felt like a woman anymore. She lived in fear, constantly. Every sound made her heart leap. She knew that staying in that relationship was going to kill her. She was too scared to call the police because she knew he was going to kill her but to continue to tolerate violence wasn’t an option either. There had to be another solution!
Instead of getting discouraged, she decided to see that experience as a mirror. In some way she knew that she was the one who had allowed the violence into her life, but didn’t know how. The reason why was written into her heart. One day, while she was talking to a friend about her situation, she suddenly felt inside herself the answer she was looking for: she didn’t believe that she was worthy of being loved, therefore she had forced herself her whole life to accept men who weren’t emotionally available, aggressive and violent.
Becoming aware of this was such a relief! Suddenly everything fell into the right place. She began to work at herself to believe she deserved to receive love. When she decided to keep a distance from her partner the circumstances around her started to support her decision. It was a step by step process through which she freed herself from the chains that had kept her imprisoned.
She created a new life full of love and eventually her experience became an instrument to support other women to prevent and banish violence in their own lives.
— The Writer, Elena Perella is Founder and Life Coach at Sentidu, a new approach to Life Coaching. For more details please check out sentidu.com —