Relationships Thursday: The Mirror of Your Relationship

Relationships are relentless in mirroring back to us all that we need to be aware of, heal and transform. The common trap is to make the other person wrong and believe they need to change in some way for the relationship to improve. Truly transformational growth comes when we accept that they are a mirror to us and Life is inviting us to look at all those aspects of ourselves that are being reflected back. This mirroring works at several levels:

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1. It reflects back what we are giving out, which is an expression of who we are in the moment. If you are holding anger somewhere then it will be mirrored back by your partner. If you are holding love that will be mirrored back. Communication is the response you get, so what are you giving out that is bringing back that response?

2. It mirrors what you judge and have an emotional charge about. For example, if you have an emotionally charged judgement about selfishness you will get that perfectly mirrored back to you. If you judge people who are over indulgent you will find your partner reflecting that back in some way. They may need to take responsibility for their behaviour but your opportunity is to see your judgement and move beyond it into understanding and acceptance.

3. Fear will be repeatedly mirrored back to you. We draw to us the very things we fear, so your unresolved fears in the relationship will be mirrored back. For example, if you have a deep fear of empowering yourself you may experience repeated incidents where you need to empower yourself so you can move forward with the relationship. You are therefore being continually invited to confront your fear of self empowerment.

4. The other person will mirror back all the qualities and ways of being that you have compromised or denied within yourself. If you have compromised your honesty you will find the other person will remind you of that, maybe by being very staunch about honesty as a value. If you have denied your own feelings you may have repeated scenarios that require you to get in touch with your true feelings.

Try this:

▪ Identify a pattern or quality that you find difficult with your partner.
▪ Remember when and how it gets played out.
▪ Become aware of your inner feelings, without blaming them.
▪ Ask yourself if you exhibit the same pattern or quality, maybe in subtle ways that have gone unnoticed.
▪ Explore what your relationship would be like if you could let go of that.
▪ If that is not the mirror, then go through the other aspects and see if your judgement, fear or denial is being mirrored back.
▪ Once more explore what it would be like to let go and get beyond that.
▪ See if you can get a vision for how transformed the relationship could be.
▪ Choose one significant thing you could do to bring that about.

Relationship Quotes

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Maya Angelou

We have to confront ourselves. Do we like what we see in the mirror? And, according to our light, according to our understanding, according to our courage, we will have to say yea or nay – and rise.

George Bernard Shaw

The only service a friend can really render is to keep up your courage by holding up to you a mirror in which you can see a noble image of yourself.

Hannah Moore

Forgiveness is the economy of the heart … forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.

Thomas Fuller

He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven.

This piece was originally posted in the ‘Shine your light Newsletter’ published by Life Coach Associates. I sincerely Thank Clem McGrath, Life Coach Associates Director and my Personal Mentor for permission to share this highly insightful piece on the Timitude Blog. Check out  & for more details. 

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