Relationships Thursday: Stuck in a RUT?

Is your relationship stuck in an old pattern?

Relationships are the core of Life, but they can be a challenge. A big challenge is the way you deal with the differences that start to show up. They always show up because you have two people with different communication styles, different ways of resolving issues, different needs and expectations, and different fears. And all of these will have arisen from their earlier conditioning and relationship experiences.

There is no such thing as a new relationship, because we bring all our previous history into it. So a gap emerges between your assumptions and expectations, and the reality you live with every day. The temptation is to try and force the reality to conform to the expectation, or the image you carry of how it “should” be.

This forcing is one of the major causes of stress and conflict, and technical solutions will do nothing to truly resolve it. The key to permanent change is to become conscious of the beliefs and expectations you bring into your relationships, your automatic patterns, your emotions, and especially your levels of self love and self worth.

Transforming your relationships begins with transforming yourself. At least 80% of communication is unconscious and nonverbal and is the energy you radiate. When you grow and transform yourself, and change your patterns, you dramatically change that 80%, which will change everything in the relationship.

butterfly reduced for web shutterstock 114758722
butterfly reduced for web shutterstock 114758722

If you feel caught in a difficult relationship then rest assured you can achieve all of the following, and more:

Understand why you get caught in the same stuff over and over.
Grow your levels of self love and self worth.

Learn to be truly yourself, and to honour that.

Communicate clearly and powerfully, yet lovingly.

Get your needs met without arguing and fighting.

Sustain passion and delight through the whole relationship.

Deal with emotions harmoniously and effectively.

Keep your heart open and respond with greater love.

Experience the power of forgiveness and reconciliation.

Relationships can sizzle and sparkle. There may always be challenges but by becoming conscious and growing as a person then you give yourself the best guarantee that those challenges will become an invitation to grow, expand and be fulfilled rather than degenerating into a battleground. The highest potential of relationships is to enable us to grow in love and thereby realize our full potential.

WoW! shutterstock 105343313

Try this:

Take a few moments to think about your parents’ relationship.

How would you describe it in general terms?

Try to remember any particular words you heard that showed how they felt about it.

Identify three things you learned about relationships from your mother.

Identify three things you learned about relationships from your father.

(Please note that if one parent was missing in your life that still taught you something.)

Now identify three ways you play out the same patterns or beliefs in your relationship.

What is one thing you could do to change these patterns?

Relationship Quotes

Elizabeth Gilbert

To be fully seen by somebody, and then be loved anyhow – this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.

Rainer Maria Rilke

Only someone who is ready for everything, who doesn’t exclude any experience, even the most incomprehensible, will live the relationship with another person as something alive, and will himself sound the depths of his own being.

Pandora Poikilos

The best relationships in our lives are the best not because they have been the happiest ones, they are that way because they have stayed strong through the most tormentful of storms.

Steve Maraboli

A beautiful thing happens when we start paying attention to each other. It is by participating more in your relationship that you breathe life into it.

This piece was originally posted in the ‘Shine your light Newsletter’ published by Life Coach Associates. I sincerely Thank Clem McGrath, Life Coach Associates Director and my Personal Mentor for permission to share this highly insightful piece on the Timitude Blog. Check out  & for more details. 

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